A Preacher’s Kid Halloween🎃

Or lack thereof

There is something to be said about being a preacher’s kid, and the sheer depth of that experience mentally and emotionally. The awareness that there are powers that are intangible and invisible, and the angst that knowledge can bring you. I’ve always had an affinity for pattern recognition, and the more I became aware of how Christianity was affecting me, the more aware I became of how the religion has influenced the world. There was a darkness there that I was aware of on some subconscious level, and it always led me to rebel against it, in however small a way I could manage. Of course, a lot of it was my own personal need for freedom and independence that was always clashing with the rigidity of religion.

Religious trauma is no joke, and it’s taken me the better part of my 23 years on this earth to unravel. Looking back, some aspects about the way I was raised were deeply traumatic, and some of them just deeply unserious.

We weren’t allowed to celebrate Halloween growing up. My fellow preacher’s/ church kids understand what I mean when I say we had “Hallelujah Nights” instead. I distinctly remember dressing up as “prayer warriors” (camouflage and war paint included), or angels. There would be cute activities for the kids and a costume contest, along with candy of course. For all intents and purposes, it was fun. But I didn’t understand what I was missing out on until I started to get older.

Disney Channel’s Monstober was always a fun time, and movies like Twitches became a Halloween staple. Disney was deemed safe for us to watch by our parents, so we were spoiled with some great media growing up. That’s So Raven was (objectively) THE BEST Disney Channel Show, but we even had an aunt that didn’t let us watch it whenever we were staying because of her psychic powers. We weren’t allowed to read Harry Potter books or watch the movies, much to my dismay. (I still know my Hogwarts House is Ravenclaw so ha). I even remember not being allowed to watch Power Rangers. (I am happy and proud to observe that as I write this, amusement outweighs any lingering resentment, and I’m grateful that I’m able to rediscover and reclaim certain things for myself. ).

The tight hold religion had on our upbringing limited what we could experience, and anything that was too “secular” was deemed ungodly. Prophets were celebrated and revered but psychics or tarot readers were rebuked. There was always a firm line in the sand separating The Church from the world, one that became more tempting to cross the older I got.

I have always been a fantasy lover, and anything related to magic or fantastical creatures always captured my mind. My insatiable curiosity would always lead me to challenge what I’d been taught and my understanding of religion. I was fascinated by the stories my parents would tell me of their encounters with angels, or people that were possessed by demons. It all seemed too fantastical to be true, but a part of me wanted to experience these things for myself. (Not demon possession tho, y’all can keep that). I guess I always understood there was a fantastical element to Christianity, and that was always more exciting to me than the strict and oppressive nature of the religion I was brought up with.

I could never understand what the harm was in being allowed to really celebrate Halloween. It seemed pretty harmless to me, and I always wanted to go trick or treating. It seems like other kids were having fun with something that had been demonized for me, and the unfairness of it all stayed with me for a while.

Something that does still linger from my strict religious upbringing is a hesitancy to watch supernatural horror movies. My anxiety can’t handle it. People who enjoy being terrified have my respect, but it could never be me. I enjoy a thrill but the stuff that can genuinely give me nightmares, I have no business watching! My dreams are crazy enough. I’m more of a cozy/spooky kind of gal. Wendell and Wild, Practical Magic, Coraline, Halloweentown, Twilight, along with shows like The Originals, The Vampire Diaries, Castlevania (not cozy at all but I cannot say enough good things about this show!!), and Stranger Things (the first season) are much more my speed.

Of all the supernatural creatures, I have always been consistently curious about witches. Vampires may be winning the supernatural media battles but witches are winning the war! I love learning about how witches are portrayed in the media, and their cultural origins. Wise/ medicine women and their roles in societies have been teaching me a lot about the differences between religion and spirituality. I’m much more of a spiritual person than a religious person these days, and learning a bit about the African American hoodoo/root work tradition has been helpful and healing to me.

Learning that I am allowed to loosen the reigns on my spirituality and discover things for myself has led me to reclaiming the celebration of Halloween. I’m genuinely excited every year to think of costumes and consume spooky content, and it’s been so fun for my inner child. It’s a small thing, allowing myself to be excited about Halloween and the culture surrounding it, but it’s taken a minute to get here. Getting to a place where I allow myself to enjoy things without guilt or shame is an ongoing journey, and leaning all into Spooky Season is a great manifestation of that for me.

If anything, it seems like Halloween is the time of year to get comfortable with our shadows and own them, without shame. There are dark and deep undercurrents to this world and to this life, and I like to think that Halloween is not about making a spectacle of it per say, but more about embracing these things, and making them fun.

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Below is a video I made last year when I really started learning about hoodoo/ root work. I had no microphone, and no real experience editing long videos (I still don’t). All I had was an iPhone and a dream! If you’re looking to learn more about it, this is a good place to start. I also have essential reading mentioned in the video.

Happy Halloween! 👻🧙🏾‍♀️🎃💀

Twitches artwork credit: MiguelSsilva02 on Pinterest | https://pin.it/66ngF7LnB